The many misadventures of the paper children
by SHARPIE addict
Summary: When Anna gets a remote that supposedly brings paper dolls to life, her and her friend go shopping, leaving the house to paper children Envy, Ed, Deidara, Tobi, Rose, and Ran. CHAOS INSUES. T because palmtrees are sexier than midgets.
1. prolouge

THE MANY MISADVENTURES OF THE PAPER CHILDREN IN ANNA'S ROOM.

STARRING: Envy, Edward (Elric), Rose (OC), Ran (OC), Deidara, and Tobi.

Rose: 15 year old, long black hair, paper child fourth created. Scary when angered.

Ran: 5 year old with a corrupted mind. Known to hang around Envy. Brown, short bob-cut hair, almost as tall as Edward.

_**Prequel**_

"Melissa! Look what I got!" Anna raced into her room, brandishing a remote control.

"Um, the T.V. remote?" Melissa asked uncertainly. Anna shook her head excitedly. She waved it around frantically in the air for emphasis.

"This remote is supposed to bring paper children to life! You just press play and pause as you please! It would be so awesome to use!" Melissa quirked an uncertain eyebrow.

"I think someone had too much sugar today. There's no way that could happen. Paper is paper, it's dead wood. Nothing good comes of it. Except drawings and stories and poems. And origami. But that's it. No life. No paper people running around. Now, come on, your mom's taking us to the mall, and then to get ice cream." Anna pouted at her friend. She glanced at the paper children lying in random places around the room.

"Fine, then. I'll press the play button when we leave, and if they're in different places and positions when we come back, you'll see the truth." Melissa rolled her eyes but paid close attention to where the paper children were located.

"Fine."

The two exited Anna's room and left out the door. As they walked towards the car, Anna pulled out the remote.

"Ready? Pressing the play button…**NOW!**


	2. a heart for the heartless

Sharpie addict: welcome to our story! Joining us today is the lurvely…ROSE! Again.

Rose: Hi. Again.

Sharpie addict: Ok, we don't own anything…maybe… lol not really.

Chapter 1: envy in…

A HEART FOR THE HEARTLESS

"Hey."

"No."

"Hey."

"No."

"He-"

"Envy I SAID NO!" Rose screamed, glaring at the scantily clad Homunculus. "You cannot use my book. It's MINE, I TELL YOU, ALL MINE! It's the only thing I haven't read yet!" Rose coughed once before returning to her book.

Suddenly, Ran popped up, her large eyes peering over the edge of the book.

"Please?" She asked innocently.

Rose glared, but otherwise ignored the annoyance.

Envy looked at Ran.

Ran looked at Envy.

Quite by surprise, Rose found her book being hauled off and down the hall by a manically laughing Ran and Envy.

"Gimmie back my BOOK!" Rose screeched, shimmying down the fan's chord after them swiftly.

She found them in the kitchen, closing the microwave door and pressing random numbers before hitting start. Rose slow-mo screamed and ran, but the book was already burning. Envy and Ran laughed at the horrified look on Rose's face and high fived, not noticing when her look of horror turned into a grimace of rage.

Envy was the first to sense their impending doom. He screamed and ran downstairs. Ran, however, was slower. Rose grabbed her by the collar and dragged her back to Anna's room.

Still holding Ran, Rose made her way to the sewing kit bag. Rose pulled out a spool and tied Ran up to ensure that she didn't escape. Then she pulled out a yellow ball-tipped pin and dragged her baggage towards the closet.

"Edward," She asked sweetly. He turned around slowly.

"Yeah?" He asked.

She grinned evilly. "Help me out, or you're next." Ed hastily grabbed the rope ladder and shimmied up a kimono that happened to reach the floor. He dropped the ladder down and Rose clambered on, prisoner in her arms.

Ed hauled them up, and Rose untied her victim. She pushed Ran off, only grabbing the edge of her shirt at the last minute, pinning her in place with the pin. She smiled at Ed.

"Thank you!" She chirruped, sliding down the kimono.

Rose found Envy hiding in the bookcase, ironically enough. She grabbed his headband off and dragged him up to Anna's room by his hair. She looked up idly at Ed. "Okay, how to punish him?" She pondered. Her eyes fell on a paper plane.

She hauled the then-unconscious Envy towards it. She grabbed the plane and hauled it, and her victim, to the bookshelf, where she hang-glided herself to the big 3D valentine paper heart hanging just below the light fixture.

"Ed! Toss me the rope! All of it!" She shouted. Ed complied hastily. Rose caught the large bundle and instructed Ed to move to the bookshelf. Ed clambered down and shimmied up the cord to the bookshelf, waiting next to the victim.

Rose tossed him one end, which he secured. Rose then tightroped it to the bookshelf, grabbed Envy, and tightroped it back. She placed Envy on the heart's equilibrium and hastily unfastened the rope, doing a Tarzan to the pillow on the ground.

Envy barely woke up in time to save himself from a nasty fall. He grabbed the fuzzy string and shrieked. Rose balled up his headband and chucked it at him, causing him to flail to catch it, almost falling again.

"One heart for the heartless!" Rose shouted up. Envy glowered. Ran glanced down at Rose.

"What were you reading, anyway?" She asked.

Rose shrugged. "Something about ADD bunnies and Autistic penguins," she said, and skipped off.


	3. as tall as I can be

Chapter 2: Ed in…

TALL AS I CAN BE!

"Hey, Ed!" Ran yelled from her punishment perch.

"What shortie?" Ed yelled back

"Hey, you shouldn't be talking Hagane no chibi-san." Envy called from his time-out spot.

"I'm not short!" Ed yelled defensively.

"Shut up! And stop egging him on Envy, or I'll come up there, handcuff you, and then gag you." Rose yelled from a-top the bookshelf, where once again her nose was buried in a book.

"Ooh, kinky." Envy said in his sexy voice.

"Don't you dare talk to my girl like that." Ed growled, once again, defensively.

"Oh, your girl is she?" he sneered, "Is that why she read about all of the sexy guys in that Twilight crap?"

"Wait a sec," said Ed. "You think the guys are sexy?" Rose and Ed asked together.

"Naw," he said lazily, "I just hear what you guys say in your sleep."

Rose once again immersed herself in a new book, to reread again. Envy had given her the idea. Why not read the Twilight saga again?

Once Envy knew that Rose wouldn't hear him, he started picking on Ed again.

"Oh chibi-san." Envy called down to the tiny alchemist.

Ed looked up.

"You wanna know a secret?" Envy asked.

"Sure, why not?" Ed said.

"You're short. You're as small as an ant. Wait, no. I take that back." There was a look of surprise on Ed's face, was envy being nice to him? "You're smaller than an ant." Nope. Envy was just being himself. Taking every chance he gets to torment Ed. He should have known. Envy continued, "You could ride an ant to the county fair and win as the shortest person in the world. EVER."

"You're even smaller than Thumbelina!" Piped Ran.

"Shut up, kid." Ed yelled toward the five year old who Rose had pinned by the shirt to the shelf in the closet. "You're shorter than me."

"Oh, really?" she questioned. "'Cause I'm all the way up here."

"Well, I can get to be even taller than you." Ed yelled. "Just wait and see. Watch and learn, short-stop."

"PALM TREES ARE **SEXIER** THAN MIDGETS!" Ran screeched.

Ed paused on his way, trying to scale back up the kimono, and fell flat on his butt. He looked up at the now-laughing Envy. "What on _**earth**_ have you been teaching this kid you sick _**bastard**_? She's only five years old!"

Envy rolled up his eyes, remembering…

_**FLASHBACK**_

Envy smirked down at the little girl. "Just remember kid, Palm trees are sexier than midgets."

"But _**WHY**_?" she asked innocently.

"Because," he struck a pose, "I'm sexy."

_**END FLASHBACK **_

He sneered down at Ed, "Nothing. Nothing at all…" and then he smirked.

Ed scaled his way up the kimono again, and clambered onto the shelf in the closet.

"HAHA!" Ed yelled from a-top the giant stack of Pokémon cards. "I'm taller than you! Ha!"

"Not as tall as _**ME**_ Hagane no chibi-san!" Envy taunted.

"_!_" He shouted, very, very frustrated.


	4. omg I'm on a poster!

Sharpie addict: I would just like to point out that I actually have these paper children hanging in my room. Me and Rose just got to pondering how the hell Envy ended up on that paper heart, and this story was born. It's how everyone got to their ending places.

Also, this story was a collaboration with ECLIPSEDROSE13 (Aka Rose) and it was only with much coercing that it is on my profile. She wrote "Tall as I can be" and the chapter after this, as well as Rose being her character. She also came up with the title for Envy's story. That being said, it was all in my house, my room, based off the paper children I created, and I came up with the story Idea.

Ok story!

Chapter 3: Deidara and Tobi in…

OMG I'M ON A POSTER!

Deidara turned to Tobi. "This is better than the real housewives, un." Tobi looked at him and grinned.

"Sure is sempai! That girl Rose is even scarier than Konan! I wonder if she has a lollipop?" Rose replied magically from beyond her book with a,

"No."

Tobi pouted and sat down on the white curtain bar that they had been left on. "I can't believe how short those two over there are, either, un," Deidara continued, "The green haired one is having some fun egging him on, un."

Tobi brightened. "Hey, look! That guy, the short one-"

"_**I AM NOT SHORT!" **_Ed screamed.

Tobi continued, unperturbed. "He's on a poster!" Deidara looked in the direction indicated by his partner's finger, then grinned.

"Maybe _we're_ on a poster, un," He said. Tobi leaned forward, using his ninja-ness to stay on the thin bar.

"Look, sempai! There you are with Kisame, Itachi, and Sasori!" Tobi shouted.

Deidara leaned forward, "Sasori no Danna?" He asked excitedly. He leaned over a bit more, but forgot to use his ninja-ness and so stumbled, barely catching the bar with his arms.

"TOBI, HELP, UN!" He shouted, finding himself stuck. Tobi bent down and poked him with a pixie stick.

"What's wrong, sempai?"

Sharpie addict: I would just like to thank Rose for the pixie sticks. We had to use them to keep Deidara's head and Tobi's body from falling when we put them up, so I had to fit it into the story somehow. Plus, that's a very Tobi thing to do XD.


	5. BOOK mania

Rose: my character inherits a lot of her behavior from myself and Sharpie addict. Omg! What if this could actually happen?

Sharpie addict: WE'D ALL DIE! *dies*

Rose: wait, no! you still have to write the epilogue!

Story!

Chapter 4: Rose in…

BOOK MANIA!

(Book theme: three and a half men intro) "Book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book,-"

"_**ROSE!"**_ Envy screamed from his punishment perch, "I'm already being punished, don't add on to it."

She spotted a bottle of white out on the desk below her, shimmied down the fan wire again, grabbed it, and climbed back up.

"What're ya gonna do with that?" the annoying five year old asked sarcastically, "Rewrite the book?"

"No," Rose replied. "I'm going to chuck it at Envy." She picked it up, and not even with all of her thirteen-inched might, threw it at the green-haired miscreant.

It didn't hit _him_. It wasn't supposed to. It hit the heart that he was sitting on, causing the pain-in-the-butt that he is to shriek like a little girl, and grab on tighter to the fuzzy strings.

Everyone except Ran and Envy began uncontrollably laughing.

Rose sighed.

"What's wrong Rose?" Ed asked sincerely.

"Can't find another book." Came Rose's reply.

"Why don't you read the Twilight crap?" asked Envy.

"Already have. And yes, I've finished all four books already.

"Bookworm." Ran coughed out the word from her I've-been-a-naughty-person spot.

"Well," Envy sneered, "Why not do something else for once in your life?"

"There isn't much else to do. They don't have small enough pencils for us to use, therefore I can't draw, I can't write, all that's left is to read. But there isn't anything that I haven't read yet today left in here." Rose complained. "What to do? What to do? What to do?"She asked herself as she plopped down on the edge of the bookshelf.

"Hey sempai! Do you want anything?" they heard coming from the direction of the Naruto characters. "Yes, Tobi. I would like a lollipop-"Deidara was cut off by Tobi, "_ANYBODY GOT A LOLLIPOP?_" he screamed across the room from the curtain rod. "SCREW THE LOLLIPOP TOBI! I was being _SARCASTIC_! What I want is to be back on my feet and not just hanging here awaiting my death! NOW TOBI! Un!"

"_I_ have lollipop, Tobi, is it? Envy asked from the light.

"Really? You do? Really?" Tobi asked excitedly, took a deep breath, and continued. "Can I have it? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please?"

Envy grinned deviantly. "If you get me down from here, then you can have it."

Tobi shook his head manically. "No, No, No, No, No. The crazy lady will kill me." He said, gesturing toward Rose.

"Damn straight," Rose muttered. "Smart kid."

Tobi suddenly threw his arms up in a "bonsai" position, "Tobi's a good boy!"

Rose shimmied down the cord on the fan once again. She heaved open the bottom desk drawer, and began to dig, randomly tossing out stuff that either was covered in mold, looked like a half finished science experiment gone wrong, or things that looked alive that shouldn't be.

"Hey! It moved!" he screeched, pointing at a hairball on the floor. "I swear it did."

Rose found the last remaining thing she hadn't read yet in the room, she had already finished off the piles of fanfiction and original stories in both the corner and in Melissa's duffel bag on the floor.

She opened the book, and began to read.


	6. epilogue

Sharpie addict: and now, dear friends, we have come to the end of this tale. If you want more, review and ask for a sequel. I just made more paper children, so we'll more than happily oblige.

Rose: I need paper children…TT_TT

Epilogue: the aftermath.

"I'm telling you, they probably moved!" Anna whispered to Melissa. Melissa rolled her eyes.

"Fine. For talking about this all the way up to and back from the ice cream shop, you owe me ten bucks if they didn't move," Melissa growled back.

"Ditto to that," Anna hissed. They pulled up to the house, and Anna hopped out as soon as the car came to a standstill. "Pressing the pause button…NOW!" She shouted, causing her mom to look at her funny. Melissa laughed and the two made their way upstairs.

"Why is there a burnt _Happily Ever After: Stories of Children's Health and Recovery _book in the microwave?" Anna's mom asked from the kitchen. Anna and Melissa exchanged glances and raced upstairs, taking the steps two at a time.

Anna thrust the door open, and found all of the dolls completely _not _where they had been; all except Tobi and Deidara, but Deidara hadn't been crying and clinging to the bar for dear life when they left. Melissa picked up the little rope ladder Anna had made from string and McDonalds straws for no reason. "Wasn't this on the desk?" She asked, following the ladder up to the bookcase, where the paper child Rose was reading a book.

Anna raced over, stepping nimbly between horribly rotting food and a couple of hairballs, pointing at the book. "That was in my "Whatever I decide to throw in there" drawer!" She said. Melissa pointed at a frozen paper child Envy, who was most certainly not fighting Ed, like he had been when they left. Anna followed her finger and burst out laughing, then pointed to Ed, who was on top of her deck of Pokémon cards.

They pressed play, and the paper children told them the story I just told you.

FIN!


	7. message of AWESOME!

Anna grinned as she adjusted the camera, pressing the play button on the remote she was holding.

"Hey everyone!" She greeted. Ran came up behind her.

"Happy thanksgiving to all of you! This little broadcast is to let you know that there is a sequel!" She shouted happily.

Envy shoved her out of the way and grinned at the camera. "Yeah. Anna says she's making some new paper children, so you get to see how we react."

"Unfortunately, Melissa isn't here for our finale, and the chapters will be up slower, but we'll kick her in the butt for you!" Rose grinned.

Anna smiled at her. "I'm sure you will….. anyway, I also got a loft bed, so some of the scenery will change a bit…"

"Like no more escapades to the valentine heart on her light…." Envy said, glaring at Rose.

"SEE YOU SOON!"


End file.
